The nth minute

In the final silence,

When outside noise fades.

Everything seems blurred,

My heartbeat feels stranger to me.

An old friend waiting, finally i meet.

Quitely comes and holds me ,

Who smiles and whispers -

" it is time, rest will you ...

Let me take care , you have done enough"

Tired to every bit of me..

Smile, ask - 'what took you so long..'

Close my eye ...

Flipping through memory cards

Stopped at ....

'rays of sunshine that hits golden'

' warm sweetend sip of tea'

' twinkling dreams in the night sky, that winks'

' the sound of leaves as breeze pass by'

' the mountain and oceans, busy squirrle'

' the fragrance of flowers when they bloom'

' butterflies and birds unaware they being admired'

Am thankful and grateful once again.

Closing this book of memory cards

Looking at old friend...shall we....

Realisation ...

A smile while thinking about the title.

       Simple word, heavy thoughts,

       Simple action-just an acceptance.

       Let go ego, let go fear,

       Be true, be true in every step,

       Bliss will follow, 

       Will set you and others free...

                                        

still smiling, realising this is the most difficult word actually, not the word but meaning and the actions that follows.

Many a time one does not realise which is natural, quite human, 

But when one realise then?  

Mostly it is dismissed(or) one gets defensive, (or) shift of burden is attempted(or) best of all -excuse and reasoning to hide behind.

Why is acceptance so difficult ? is denial more easy.

How long would one pretend and hide as nothing ever happened, and pretend to forget...

As someone said to me  " Denial is looping to your balance of Karma, you are adding it to your Karma list ...the very boomerang Karma ".

Acceptance is first step and rest will fall in place leading you to do the right steps.

But be true, humble and be human....

Deja vu..

 
Cross roads,  

Old (or) New, 

Reset (or) Restart, 

End (or) Beginning, 

Dream(or) Reality ... 

Fortunate (or) Unfortunate, 

Faces of the coin (or) Perception, 

Positive over negative, to ease the mind, 

A lot has happened a lot is yet to happen. 

Where is the destination, the finale; 

Time, the teacher...unfold, as the patience gives away. 

 

Alone in this journey, travelers come and go... 

These roads spiral back to the intersection again... 

Have been there before, yet again, 

Surreal and magical it is ...Deja Vu. 

---Deepti 

 
 This feels so familiar, have been here before ...seems like have spiraled back to the beginning. 

Looks like as though never moved at all, feels so surreal, and strangely wired. 

  

(Taking a deep breath...) 

  

Is it being scared, surprised (or) hard to understand and assess, where logic defy the practical. 

Ah! one of those situations where tell myself 'Let it go...go on...you will understand it later, time will reveal'. 

  

Strange, the year begins with such feeling of start over. 

(a quick weird smirky smile plastered on my face, seems like mocking myself). 

One must have felt this feeling sometime like 'have been here before', 'have heard this before'. 

Well in my case 'hey have dreamt the whole situation before' to an extent the reality fades into thin lines of unbelievability.  

  

Once again, at the same (or) similar looking cross roads, making me wonder. 

A lot of questions...majorly ...did I doze off (or) what went by was a dream ...nice. 

Looks like reset button was hit and flash am here at that very cross roads... feels a bit shaky.  

Trying to question and reason with myself... is it same (or) a new one. Confusing. 

 
 'See one way good, you got another chance' says the white winged guy over my right shoulder... 

'You are a complete mess. Oh dear!' say that little red guy over my left shoulder.  

(Weirdly am smiling on this.)  

 
About the cross road, ready to take on a new one, but which one was taken last time ...left, right or ahead of me. 

Do not want to end up in same place again. 

It is not easy to keep getting back the same cross road. 

To constantly telling yourself you are being made strong in the process ...nonsense... 

EQ levels has gone sky rocket high in the process,cannot find a place to fit in... where truth, genuineness, creativity, simplicity, honesty matters.  

Rather seeing more and more pretense, fakeness, two faced and manipulation masked (it so suffocating and stressing), cannot acceptance and simplicity be simple..phew! 

 
 Is this life ...constantly coming back to same cross road to try the options, are roads an options (or) learning...is this the journey (or) am not choosing my path and hence back to square one. 

Would not it be easier if there was a guide to tell you 'Hey look this the road you were designed for ...enjoy... bon voyage'.  

  

A thought struck as writing ...is this same cross road looking like previous...was the previous set finished and this new set, to go on with... Oh dear! 

  

Yes nervous, jittery rather...roads again...decision again.

The cross road may be (or) look the same. But time, situation, circumstances have changed, no longer the same as before... wiser with clarity would like to say ...but feels like a fool. (Smile again run through, believe sarcastically). 

Constantly the feeling this has happened before in this dimension (or) another ...Deja vu ...confusing, yet an opportunity. 

Ma...

 
With your smile, I feel alive, 
With your words, my strength magically appears. 
With your guidance everything is perfect 
With you around the world feels safe. 
The warmth of your hugs is the best... 
 

My ears crave to hear you, to talk to you, 
To discuss, debate and argue with you 
Me with my chain of questions, watching you smile and answer 
Your secret ways to break my chain of endless questions. 

Was quite handful and difficult to understand, Amma 

How did you do it Ma... 

always protected this different one under your wings. 

Only you can see through me...so hard to hide from you. 

My defender, my believer...always. 

 
But my world shakes and crumbles, if anything happens to you, 

Your silence can kill this little one. 

Seeing you go through pain, rips my heart apart 
With every prick, every cut, every scar..uff  
Felt every little bit of it Ma, but was helpless. 

Seeing you that way broke every inch in me. 
Tears rolled, realised life in fraction of second. 

 

But being your little one, gone on you in strength. 

Always by your side, say day (or) night, 

Enduring everything what came (or) what may come. 

The world is nothing in front of you Ma, nothing... 

 

Trying to nurture you back, like a baby 
That smile Ma, with gleaming eyes ...makes my day. 

How do you do it Ma... in pain, discomfort, confusion yet that smile... 

I see through you Ma now and always... 

I see it all Ma...but am with you, your 'budhape ki lathi' 

So much happened and you never cease to amaze me 

Totally admire you Ma. 

 
Ma you are my heart beat and life. 

without you am a lost soul... 
you are my life, my breath and the reason 
Ma...you mean world to me, 

No words can describe, all can say I love you Ma...